


The Truth

by Eccehomo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Exposing Modest, Internal feuds, Journal, M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform, the truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 06:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7033642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eccehomo/pseuds/Eccehomo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What you don't know about Larry Stylinson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth

**The truth is this concept of "Larry Stylinson" was real.**

**And.. I want to be real again.**

It would be unkind of me to not say thank you. To you. Yes you. Your support gives me hope.

How it all started...

In the beginning, he caught my eye. I never thought much of it. It was just me, in a moment of solitude, finding any reason to crush someone that was unlikely to feel the same in turn. 

Louis was fun. He was the center of attention with his witty attitude and constant jokes. If people weren’t drawn to his singing they surely couldn’t deny that his character was one of a kind. He knew how to get everyone in the room involved. He made sure those standing around him never felt left out. It was his muse to amuse all.

And that’s what I liked about him. He had mesmerizing eyes and a beautiful smile. He was visually attractive. I started growing more attached to Louis’ over the course when we were put together in the Boot-camp stage. I wasn’t sure why but out of the lot he seemed to have a protective air about me.  

It became a natural thing for him to stand next to me, to put his arm around me, to hold me and stare me in the eyes. I wasn’t confused. I knew right away that I was falling mad in love with him. I was only confused about his intentions. My insides yearned to come out and ask him but I was so intimidated by his dominance. I was fearful that I’d lose him, or worse, have him leave the band for finding I was gay.

I’m actually bi-sexual. I never learnt to differentiate between my love for women or men. I was only taught that sometimes people intrigue you and you want more from them than just friendship. And this is what Louis did for me.

When I invited the lads over to my dad’s place. Louis naturally fit. He took ease and comfort in everything that was mine. I didn’t mind it. I absolutely loved it. For the first time, even at a young age, I thought of marriage. I could picture it. A cozy life with the bundle of energy that is Louis, by my side. 

He moved pretty quick and gave many hints but still, I hesitated because I didn’t know if I was misreading him. Regardless, I went along with it all. He had plans. He wanted us to move in together. That made me very happy. Louis wanted to live with me. Not Zayn, not Liam, not Niall but me. I can’t tell you how overwhelming it was for me. Louis talked about how big we’d be. How successful we’d be as a group even though we did not win the finals. It didn’t matter to me that we didn’t win because we vouched as a group that we’d continue as a band even after the X-Factor. This promise kept me on my feet. I knew if we’d agree to stay together that Louis and I could possibly move in together.

Still, I didn’t know whether Louis was interested in the same manner. Contrary to what many of you think, we weren’t together during the making of the video diaries. Louis did however, know that I was bi-sexual and was meaning to come onto me. I’m still not sure how he found it out but he later told me he was sure of it then. During the diaries, Louis gave many subtle hints and some—obvious. That was how Louis always treated me off camera. His actions were drastically different towards me in comparison with the other lads. He teased me and led me on as you have witnessed in the diaries. I was very… VERY happy when he said he’d marry me on live television. Yet still, perhaps stemming from my low- esteem at the time, I didn’t think it possible. The Louis that all the girls chanted for would never see me in that way. That was the lie I told myself to comfort my misery. I also wanted us to continue behaving the way we did in hopes that he’d admit to himself that he enjoyed it. And so I did.

Then it happened. We were on tour with the X-Factor. Our fan base was growing and I was getting a lot of attention despite my screw ups. From what people tell me, we also had an army of haters growing. I tried to steer clear of the negative attention and focus on three things. My career, my family and Louis.

One night after a show, Louis and I were talking on the balcony of our hotel room. For the first time, we started talking about the hardships we both faced growing up without our fathers and having to welcome in strange men into our homes. That conversation brought us to talk about our other struggles amidst our social lives. That’s when I turned with a jittery belly and a rapidly racing heart and told Louis that I have a secret.

“What’s your secret then?”

We sat opposite one another on patio furniture.

I couldn’t look him in the eye after that.

I looked to the floor and told him that I was bi-sexual and that some people at school knew. And that some had teased me about it.

All was silent.

In the silence, which suddenly seemed so loud, I could only think about Louis standing up and storming out having much to regret.

And I was right, he in fact did stand up. But Louis didn’t walk out on me, he walked to me.

He placed his hands on my knees and leaned in. He kissed me. He kissed me on the lips. Caught me just a tad off the corner of my lips.

He knelt before me on the floor with his hands still rested on my knees.

“You will never have to worry about anyone teasing you anymore.”

I could feel my face flush. Louis. The Louis Tomlinson that half the world desired was kissing me.

The odd thing about fame is that despite having it yourself, other people’s fame will always triumph yours. It is like a meagre competition. You don’t want to believe you are as famous as you are. You are in a constant cycle of compare and contrast. From the very beginning, I felt Louis had the most fame. In contrast, Louis felt I had.

Needless to say, the famous Louis Tomlinson had kissed me and I was blown away.

_What did this mean?_

This question haunted me that night. It haunted me for weeks to come and surely enough, has recently started haunting me again.

_What does this mean?_

Louis never put a word to it. Rumors started circulating about Larry Stylinson. Louis kept a cool demeanor. I kept quiet. I wasn’t sure if the other lads picked up on the frequent hand-holding, wrist grabbing, bum slapping and cuddling. Perhaps they thought we were bromancing. Perhaps not. It was a 'don’t ask, don’t tell policy' within the group until our management started getting involved.

I want you to know that for some time, Louis and I did enjoy freedom. Especially in our own home. Our relationship flourished. We did everything together. Our families become more acquainted and privy to our secret relationship. We enjoyed every minute of freedom we got together. I was Louis’ first male partner. Louis looked after me like he promised he would. He was a wonderful and loving partner.

Louis starting becoming more obvious. In interviews, he’d explicitly say things like he’d choose to stay the night with me, to marry me and other bits of recorded audio that have never been released. By now, the Larry Stylinson fandom was massively growing and management began to panic. At first, Louis didn’t seem bothered with the idea. But then one day, and I will never forget this day, Louis came home and told me that we needed to stop.

He had been reading tweets and comments about himself being a token twink. He felt emasculated. The comments were brutal, attacking his ego and manhood. Louis could never stand for this. His pride needed to stay intact. I was crying in my defense and told him I couldn’t imagine stopping us. He hesitated.

“Harry, I don’t mean for us to break up. I mean for us to stop being obvious when we are in public.”

I was a bit relieved but you couldn’t imagine the pain that irked me. Our lives were spent mainly in front of cameras, how were we to stop it all without going unnoticed? But the worst part about it, is the changes in our interaction also changed the outcome of our relationship.

Louis stopped being his usual upbeat self. He wasn’t cracking jokes or stealing the spot light for himself. He had become what he thought was a 'proper lad.' And even though Louis thought ahead of the management, they still managed to get involved.

They called us to a meeting.

We were told we needed to stop with our flirtation on stage and on camera. But we had. We had gone weeks without much contact, except the occasionally slip here and there. One of which, has become a significant moment for the Larry fandom. The video in which you see me trying to caress Louis’ upper arm. I didn’t think the angle caught that. Louis saw it, he drew back and tried to hide it. I’m really glad that’s become an important moment. It was just another moment from the dozens that we have shared. It became a habit. Showing intimacy without touching. We’d always show subtle hints. We tried to be as obscure as possible but many of our secrets become known.

Many people have guessed that we adapted sign language. This was true. We did. We had to find ways to continue without causing conflict with management or tearing Louis’ reputation apart. As hard as we tried to hold back, it only led to deeper problems. Our relationship was reigned with jealously. We found ourselves fighting a lot. We’d have arguments for days. We’d fight and try to play it off in front of the lads.

Yet somehow, management was still not satisfied. They weren’t convinced we were trying to stop. They did not know for sure whether we had been together at all but they’d come across these Larry fan made pics and videos analyzing our every move and making even our subtle gestures a claim of Larry’s existence.

I don’t want you to think I was bothered by it. At the time, I was. Only because it made Louis change the way he interacted with me and worse it made management call us in to our second meeting.

The beards began. We were given promises that our careers would flourish if I dated celebrities. There were levels of fame, A-list, B- List, C- lists. They would give us names of celebrities around our ages and their agents names. "We could hook it up." They'd tell us. Of course, Louis always thought about his family. He would do anything to get more success so that he’d be able to assist them. We chatted privately. We set guidelines and rules and boundaries. We would put on a show and act. Louis loved to act and he is great at it. Believe me.

I tell you this because Louis fooled himself into liking Eleanor. At first, it was all play. He knew. I knew. Everyone knew. _Do this for the fans_ , they’d tell us. And he did. Until he spun a web for himself and caught Eleanor and I in it with him.

I wasn’t jealous at first. We were talking about it each night. I’d get to have him to myself from time to time. But as the year rolled by, I started to get antsy. Their relationship was never meant to last that long. Louis was drifting apart from me and from the lads. He would continue to give me hope especially during performances but he lacked any sort of sentiment off stage.

I was devastated. I felt myself shrinking. I often wanted to go home. Escape to cry and be alone. I couldn’t understand what was happening to us. I was giving him what he wanted, we were giving management what they wanted and according to them we were giving our fans what they wanted.

In turn, we had both become selfless in hopes to make others happy. I sacrificed everything. Louis and I would stop sharing the same home. We’d both own it but spending time there together would become rare when we were given days off. On tour, he’d find comfort on the tour bus instead of getting a room with me. Louis was becoming  increasingly worried about his image. He had a love-hate relationship with YOU. One day he’d like you for supporting Larry, the next you were the enemy ruining his fame.

But it wasn’t you. It was his own pride. I was stricken with the same amount of grief but it didn’t affect me because I was proud. I didn’t care if the world knew. In fact, I wanted the world to know. There was nothing more freeing than dancing on stage with a rainbow flag on my back. The many times I’d fantasize, Louis doing the same and walking up to me and kissing me on stage during a live performance certainly outnumbers any of yours. But I couldn’t come out and you all know why.

So, I started confiding in my close friends. Ed Sheeran and Nick Grimshaw. They knew. I had confided my pain in them. Nick was never a fan of Louis. He didn’t like the way he convincingly sported a beard. Nick became tirade and aggressive. He grew very protective of me and Louis didn’t like this. Even though, I knew it angered Louis how often I saw Nick, I’d do it to spark jealousy. It was the only thing I had that reinstated how deeply Louis felt about me.

But I was wrong.

As fast as Louis had started our relationship, he ended it just as fast if not faster. He went days ignoring me and my protests. He would ignore my texts and cries for mercy. He had become heartless. I had become introverted. We were just two ghosts and not who we used to be. I would spend most of the time hiding in dressing rooms or buses reading on my own and writing in my journal. A journal that Louis was once privy to. The lads were growing apart at this point. We’d been worn out and tired of the same faces each day. The few years of touring took a major toll on our health. We had become men without experiencing our youth hood. We had weights of responsibilities that no one can fathom. The richer you got, the more responsibilities came along with it. Work was endless, if we weren’t writing , singing, practicing, recording, on stage or touring we had to make appearances for interviews, charities, award shows, screenings and galas. It was exhausting. What was once a custom of the band hanging out together at the end of the night became nights spent alone in hotel rooms and unwinding in our miseries.

We had all experienced depression of some sort or another. Zayn was constantly in a rut. Liam would soon follow him and become just as miserable. He could not take his every actions being exposed to the media. Liam was definitely the most sensitive out of the lot.

Zayn had found comfort in a partner and Niall found solace with his guitar. Louis continued to fade, only Liam seemed to keep up with him. I drifted in the background and found my own comfort in solitude. Our families and our lives that we had once known had changed so much and we had felt left behind.

It had all moved too quickly that even Louis and I hadn’t taken time to see what happened to our relationship. 

And then he left Eleanor.

Somehow, Louis found it in him to let her go. I did not ask. I do not ask. I do not want to know. I felt a weight come off my chest but Louis found other ways to celebrate his bachelorhood. I sincerely thought, he would reflect on us and come away with me again but I was let down.

Do not have expectations.

Never have expectations in life because chances are, you will be let down.

I’ve learned to not have expectations and be surprised with the outcomes. I watched as media headlines rolled in about Louis being seen with girls. Partying. Drinking. Smoking. He was always on the prowl. He was becoming the eligible bachelor he sought to be. _Did he look back to me?_

Yes.

It happened ever so discreetly and slightly. He’d sneak around. Come off to see me and meet me in strange places. _We are writing songs_ , we’d tell them. And we did. But we went beyond that. But then, surprisingly, I was let down because for some forsaken reason I was no longer good enough for him. He would run out to find the next person to sleep with. He was lucky it wasn’t all caught by the media.

We were now counting down our final months before our break. Louis was showing keen interest again. I’d get my hopes up but then he’d run off again. He was laughing again. Joking. Talking more and not afraid to stand next to me. He was egging me on and encouraging me like he did in the past.

_Harry, you are just amazing._

Sadly, his words echo loudly in my head when it should be repressed. I was waiting anxiously for Louis to give me some sort of a secret plan for when we go on hiatus but he didn’t. He seemed to have plans for himself. I’d point it out and make obvious reference to it but he’d ignore it. 

He would avoid it like the plague.

_Not now Harry._

I just desperately needed to know.

And that’s when it happened. I called up my old friend. Kendall. We would hang out. I would not wait around for Louis to make up his mind. He was on the run. Of course it didn’t take long for him to be seen with another girl. The next Eleanor.

I spent a week on the yacht. Rekindled an old flame. Thought nothing of it. Louis did not care. Why should I? but the guilt ate at me. It ate at my core. I could not do this. Not to Louis. I know what it’s like to be hurt. And I’ll take it. I’ll take it for Louis but I’d never want to inflict it on him.

So here I am, wrapped up my new life, setting out on some acting and trying to keep my mind at bay from what’s happening around me.

_Will he return?_

I do not know. And that is why I come to you. I come to plead to you to keep our memory alive. Continue writing, continue tweeting, continue posting, continue supporting us. Please. I know Louis sees it and I know it reminds him and I think one day he will find it in him to set aside his pride and finally  accept it. I know it. He will find the courage and he will be brave. Until that day comes, I will wait. You and I will wait together.

Thank you for all you do, it does not go unnoticed or in vain. H


End file.
